I just trunked another 70,000+ words.
Those 70K+ words represented the third draft of my current WiP tentatively titled, The Temporal Photographer.
Of course, there are reasons and I’ll publish them in greater detail in a couple days. Just know for now that it was necessary to write a better, stronger and faster-paced novel.
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to share at least the first chapter of that tossed draft here. It’s just one page, but I hope you enjoy the quick read because it captures the essence of the story’s premise.
Time travel isn’t what you think it is.
You don’t climb inside a metal contraption and disappear. Glowing walls do not become temporal doorways. Forget lightning and electricity.
It’s actually not that hard to do though. In fact, I can show you how right now.
Close your eyes, and think about a moment from your life. Maybe your first crush or your last heartbreak. Focus on that memory, and recall how you felt in the moment. Unite the images with the emotions.
There. You just traveled back in time and experienced the past.
Not convinced?
Fine.
Then look to the future. It’s there. Believe me.
Come on, give it a shot. Shut your eyes again. Visualize a moment you haven’t remembered yet. Maybe it’s quitting the job you hate or embracing the love of your life. Imagine how you feel inside this vision.
Don’t remember?
No worries, the future’s the one most people have a hard time wrapping their heads around. You’ve done it though. Ever experienced déjà vu?
That’s a two to five second glimpse into the future. There’s more of it out there, too. You just don’t remember it yet.
That’s how time works. It’s all available for recall.
Past. Future. Even the present. They’ve all happened, and they’re all still happening. It’s just a matter of seeing more than one perspective.
It’s bizarre when I attempt to explain so I won’t try anymore. I’ll just write down what I remember, and pray you understand.
But damn me for not seeing with eyes wide open until now, maybe I could have saved more lives.
Image courtesy of rozanabalint /Depositphotos.com
The last sentence hooked me, David.
If this is the trunked version, can’t wait to see the revised version.
Hey Kathryn. Thanks! I’m really looking forward to writing and publishing the revised version. Of course, I’ll keep you updated. 😉
I agree with Kathryn. That last line raises a super story question. Looking forward to the finished product.
Sue, I’m really looking forward to getting this product finished. Thanks for stopping by so often. You’re awesome!
David, Don’t let your trunked story stay trunked. Could there be anyone having reached adulthood who hasn’t thought and wondered about the past, the present and the future? I’m intrigued.
Olga Oliver
Hey Olga. The same spin on time travel will remain along with the concept, premise, characters and setting. The characters just needed to be improved along with the overarching plotline. Stay connected and I’ll keep you updated for sure.
I agree that the last line is a great hook, but I’m wondering about the following:
1. addressing the reader: the risk is that it can sound like an essay or speech and, to me, this felt more like a speech than a story… until the last line;
2. love time travel stories, but I want to see the story and the character more in the opening chapter, even if it’s first person;
3. I want something to HAPPEN (I’m not talking about a battle or a murder) in an opening, but nothing happens here;
4. I’d dump the italics for emphasis… you either reword, or, in this case, the fact that ‘Believe me’ is a short sentence all on its own is sufficient.
I’m curious whether your story coach/editor has made similar comments. Wanna share?
Hey Sheryl. Thanks for stopping by and giving some feedback. I’m open to sharing whatever so here’s my take:
1. Addressing the reader in this speech-like style is definitely a rare approach. I kept it to one page to try and make it as quick as possible. The great thing about being writers is we can try stuff out and express ourselves however we like. Not everyone was going to like this. Heck, no one may really like it but I liked it. That’s why I’ll self-publish, so I can have control over my work and express myself as desired. Of course, I won’t be self-publishing this chapter because it’s been trunked.
2. The rest of the novel after this one page opening chapter told the story and showed the characters. I hoped one quick page introducing this story’s approach to time travel and that last line would be enough to get someone to flip to page number two.
3. Yep, I get it. Readers need something to happen and they need stuff to happen FAST. Of course, this opening chapter has already been trunked. I won’t be taking the same approach in the new opening chapter/hook. Either way, I still enjoyed writing and sharing this opening despite it lacking any real events.
4. Yeah, I get it. Actually, I didn’t use italics a second time in the rest of the entire novel. Makes me think I could have easily dropped it in this first chapter like you suggested.
Also, Kristen has definitely touched on some of this. It’s the reason why every word from that draft was trunked and I’ll rewrite it all from scratch. However, she’s more of a content/development editor and not a line editor so stuff like the italics didn’t really come up. We’ve been more focused on big picture stuff.
Thanks again for being so interested. I really appreciate your questions, insight and feedback!
That’s a very good start, guy!
As you were talking about the memories, I thought about the character Sy in the film “One-Hour Photo”. the way he describes how the camera works during the monologue really draws you in, just as you did here. All I can say at this juncture is to keep on going and let the pen or word-processor do its work. All you have to do is hang on for the ride. Endeavor to persevere, my friend.
Hey Anwar. I’m definitely hanging on. Yeah, the opening approach I used in this chapter occurs much more often in movies. And I can’t believe I haven’t seen One-Hour Photo yet. I’ll have to check it out. Thanks!
That’s a good chapter. I like it. Hope you publish it so I can read it.
Hey Carly! Thanks so much for the comments. 🙂
This story will be published within the year. Just a newer cleaner version of it. I’d love for you to read it as well.
Thanks again!
You bet I will, David. What’s the character’s name?
The protagonist’s name is Charlie Lewis. Thanks for asking.
Sure thing, David. What’s the book called?
Carly! Thanks for your patience here because I somehow missed this comment. Yikes.
The tentative title for my novel is The Temporal Photographer.
Once again, thanks for asking!
I can’t wait to read the final product. If the trunked material has this much merit there’s something unimaginable in store for us.
Thanks Nicole. You’re sweet. And you’re great at adding more pressure. 😉
Also, I’ll probably use this trunked first chapter in my marketing in some way.
Thanks again for dropping a line!
Hi David,
I resonate with your first page and I actually dream out this reality all the time. It’s how I run my life and business. I visualize the business succeeding and then it comes true. Well until I sabotage myself. Nobody is perfect. I never put two and two together and figured out this is time traveling. How awesome to know we have such abilities. I can’t wait to read more. Thanks